Diplodocus, having no armour or spikes, small teeth and not much brain, used to compensate for these deficiencies by going through life being nice to his fellow creatures. If you had one as a pet you could take it almost anywhere without a complaint from anyone, unlike Allosaurus or assorted Raptors that frequently generate hostility from peace loving members of the public. Diplodocus, it has to be said, was one of the sweetest natured dinosaurs that you could wish to meet on a sunny day, but alas, no more.

The change to the nature of Diplodocus is due entirely to the work of one man, a certain member of the Microsoft Corporation (who shall remain nameless for legal reasons, but he knows who he is). It is not known if this gentleman realised just what he was about to unleash on to an unsuspecting world, when, armed with the computing power of the Microsoft Corporation, he made a computer model of Diplodocus and discovered that by flicking its tail in a certain way, the tip of the tail would crack like a whip. Again, it is not known whether this gentleman deliberately taught this trick to one of Microsoft's Diplodocus or whether one just happened to be watching through the window as he had the animation on the computer screen. In the long term, I suppose it really does not matter, what does matter though, is that the secret was out and Diplodocus now had an offensive weapon!!!

The tail whipping trick, although at first confined to the Microsoft herd, soon spread throughout America, then into Europe and on to the rest of the world, creating the sad state of affairs that we know today.

For those few who have not seen a Diplodocus in action, I must explain the problem. Firstly, a fully grown Diplodocus using his tail as a whip, can easily cut off a mans head at thirty feet, now couple this with their new found aggressive nature, and what can only be described as a bad sense of honour and you may begin to see the problem. Although decapitation is possible, it does in fact rarely happen, the favourite trick seems to be whipping their tails around the legs of their unsuspecting victims, be they people or biped dinosaurs, and sending them sprawling, Although this does not often result in serious injury, it can be extremely irritating by the fourth time it happens, when you were only going a hundred yards down the road to buy a Sunday newspaper.

You may have noticed the lack of people wearing hats these days, this has nothing to do with changing fashions, but entirely due to the fact that the hat is without doubt the favourite target for Diplodocus. Normally you can avoid this problem simply by not wearing a hat of any description. Unfortunately, there are occasions when people, usually the ladies, feel that they must wear one. You may recall a recent society wedding that was gate crashed by a couple of Diplodocuses who proceeded to cause havoc among the female guests. There was also a rumour that the terrorist group, The South Mimms Liberation Army, planned to smuggle a herd of Diplodocuss into Ascot on Ladies Day.