Sauropods come in three main sizes, enormous, colossal and simply mind boggling. The two larger sizes are totally unsuitable as pets simply by virtue of their incredible size.

Therefore we concentrate on the merely enormous ones.

      The first thing to note about Sauropods is the way they stand, that is with their necks curving back over their bodies keeping their heads roughly over their front legs. The reason for this is due to the time it takes instructions to go from the brain to the body. For example, when a sauropod decides to walk forward his head moves in a forward direction, at this point his legs are not moving, as yet they have not received any instructions as these are still traveling down the neck. The head continues to move forward until the neck is almost at full stretch, at this point the instructions to walk have reached the legs and of they go in hot pursuit of the head.

      When the creature wishes to stop much the same thing happens, the head stops first and stays still, the legs keep going, curling the neck back over the body until they get the message to stop, usually at the point when the front legs are directly under the head.

      This system of movement is very finely tuned and for the most part works very well, unless something happens to slow down the brains messages, like a sore throat or one too many glasses of punch at a Christmas party. Problems with forward movement are limited to the creature running out of neck before the legs start to move. This causes him to think he has stopped, when in fact he has not started, then the legs start and he wonders how come he is moving, having forgotten that he instructed his legs to start before they stopped, which they did not because they had not had the message at that time.

      The real problem comes when he decides to stop. The head will stop, all well and good, the legs will continue but not stop when they are under the head. The legs continue to move, taking up the slack in the neck until it runs out, at this point the head is flipped upside down. Having suddenly noticed that the world is now upside down, the brain gives the body instructions to roll over and stand up. The resulting chaos can be quite amusing to watch, from a safe distance of course.

      Sauropods generally take no interest in what goes on on the ground, Their view of the world is a very lofty one. Therefore it is up to their owners to make sure that there are no small valuable items in their way as they walk about, you will have to take great care to guide them around things like parked cars and the like.

      The disinterest in the ground must be remembered when feeding. It is totally pointless putting your pets feeding dish in the ground, no matter how much you shout 'Lunch!' or wave your arms about or even pretend to eat it yourself, your pet will not take a blind bit of notice. He will however get very hungry, think that you do not love him any more because you are not feeding him and will eventually wander off in to the setting sun, feeling very dejected and hungry.

      The correct way to feed your Sauropod is to put his feeding dish nice and high, where he can see it. An attic window is fine, a tree house will do very nicely, even a telegraph pole will do, anything as long as it is high.

      There is one thing that you must always bear in mind when you are out walking your Sauropod. Although his eyesight is generally quite good he does have difficulty seeing things in the horizontal plane. The vertical plane is fine, he can see trees, poles and other obstructions very clearly, but things that run horizontally he will have difficulty seeing. 

      This will result, if you are not careful, in your pet continually bringing down telephone lines and this can be extremely irritating to your neighbours. Another altogether more serious hazard is high voltage overhead cables. You must keep your pet away from these, should you fail to do so and your pet should inadvertently wander in to one that will be the end of him, it can also black out the area for miles around, annoying your neighbours even more. The only thing you can do if this should happen is to invite your friends round for a very large bar-B-que of flash fried Sauropod.