Triceratops make quite a reasonable pet, they are almost friendly and mostly docile. Being a herbivore it is quite safe to have them around children, as long as the children have enough sense to keep from being trodden on.

One of the main delights of keeping a Triceratops is that you can safely ride on his back, a good saddle is a must, remember it is about a fifteen foot drop if you do fall off. Once mounted on your pet's back it is not always easy to make him go in any particular direction, or even any direction, but after a few years of patience and hard work you will be able to exercise a little control over him.

Feeding your Triceratops presents no problem at all, if it grows in the ground he will eat it. Grass is one of the main foods, you will never need a lawnmower if you keep a Triceratops, neither will your neighbours, in any direction, for several miles. Once your pet has finished your lawn, he will happily graze the privet hedge, usually right down to the ground, then the rose bushes and the flower beds.

Care must be taken with your Triceratops as he does have very long sharp horns. Fortunately these creatures rarely move very quickly, so it is not too difficult to keep out of the way. Do not expect your pet to avoid you though, as he is very short sighted. It will be unlikely that he will be able to see anything more than two feet past the end of his nose, and even more unlikely that he will be looking where he is going anyway.

Loud bangs are the greatest fear of the Triceratops owner. Cars backfiring and Guy Faulks Night being the worst, apart from rank sabotage by disgruntled neighbours.

Bangs will make your pet trott off in the direction he is pointing. A trott is as fast as a Triceratops will ever go, do not be under any illusions though, a trotting nine ton Triceratops has the same destructive power as a small atom bomb. Fortunately your pet will not get far, as he trotts he will lower his head, the further he goes the lower his head will get until he sticks his nose in the ground. At this point his front horn will dig into the ground, dragging his head between his front legs and causing him to somersault over on to his back. This will bring him to a halt.

The wise Triceratops owner will provide his pet with ear plugs, this avoids the problems of loud noises. Your pet will not be able to hear you when you call him, but it is unlikely that he would pay any attention anyway. Also, many insurance companies will give you a discount if your pet is fitted with ear plugs.

Triceretops does have a reflex action which can sometimes prove useful. If anything should touch one of the two longer horns, he will jerk his head up quickly. This can be very useful if you are plagued by a bar room bore. They will invariably lean on something while expounding their uninteresting wisdom.